So, I've been pretty quiet on here and because there's literally nothing too exciting or worth posting going on. Besides my port coming out in March and starting full dose Trikafta and going to Florida for a wk in June, I've just been existing it feels like. Sad, I know.
Some of the guidelines we set up for ourselves during this pandemic - We don't eat out at restaurants (just carry out), I do not go into ANY stores, we don't hang out with people beyond our family bubble indoors, and y'all, let me tell you, it KILLS me. Life has never felt so out of control...and that's including what I'm about to add...
Since starting full dose Trikafta, I have been feeling AMAZING. Like I seriously NEVER cough, I'm rarely exhausted or tired in a CF-y way, I don't get short of breath, I can actually BREATHE. I'm gaining weight like mad, eating everything in sight...So much so that its a chore to actually remember to do my treatments and vest and take all my pills, because I feel SO GOOD. Now, I will say, I DO feel alittle sluggish, but I attribute that to being stuck at home and the weight I'm gaining. But, I am slowly working on changing that.
All that to say, I AM NOT USED TO FEELING THIS "NORMAL." Like, my brain doesn't know what to do with all this air, energy, etc. I am feeling very unhappy with life and not accomplished I guess. I never realized just how much my CF held me back. Like, tons of women are getting pregnant on Trikafta now...that was always the dream, ya know? Children! But all through my 20s, I was not feeling great for so long and we went back and forth for so many agonizing years and ultimately decided we just didn't feel comfortable having a kid, inevitably for me to die or for our parents to practically raise. Enter Trikafta. Now I am "healthy" enough to make this a reality maybe, but honestly, the yearning just isn't there anymore. I fought it for so many years because I just knew it would be a hard, almost impossible reality for our lives, and now I've just succumb to the fact that we won't have kids. I don't know if somewhere deep down, the actual reason for wanting kids is to 'fit in'? Like, all my friends and cousins have kids, maybe if I did, we'd actually be closer and a part of their lives? Hard stuff y'all. I told you, I wasn't going hold back and that I wanted to be completely honest.
It's just hard to grasp...like my life looks so different now with Trikafta. Like, I would have killed for this 10 yrs ago. Kids could have been in the picture, perhaps. I just don't know what to do with feeling so good now, like where do I go? What do/can I do/be now?
Prayers would be appreciated as I navigate this new chapter. Don't get me wrong, I am ABSOLUTELY overjoyed and HUMBLED to be given this new lease on life!! It's freaking AMAZEBALLS!!!
Love you guys and as always, remember, keep on keeping on!
1 comment:
Hello sister Melissa. I am a Pastor from Mumbai India. I am glad tos top by your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am also blessed and feel privileged and honoured to get connected with you as well as know you as a woman of God who has Jesus her Savior. It was moving to go through your blog post. Though I did not what trikafta is but it seems its a medicine which has given given you good health and the possibility of having kids. Though I do not understand much of it but I trust the Lord and also as you trust Him, He has best things for you. Please know that though I am a stranger I will pray for you and your husband. God connects people in an amazing way. I am blessed to know you who loves the Lord. You have been married for nine years and you and your husband love the Lord and also love travelling. I love getting connecte with the people of God around the globe to be encouraged strengthene and praying for one another. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 41yrs in this great city of Mumbai a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to bring healing to the brokenhearted. We also encourage young and teh adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you both or young people from your family and friends circle to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. I AM SURE it will be life changing experience. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. God's richest blessings on you your family and friends also wishing you a blessed and a Christ centered rest of the year 2020. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede
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